I don't know why but ever since winter vacation... things seem so... different? Like the people I know.
A female friend of mine is changing her ways so to speak, when I try to spark a conversation with my crush/friend it backfires or just lasts for like a minute or two ( last time it ended in like two seconds).I don't know, I guess i'm finding my "place" again.
(you know being an outcast or freak. My crush being the uber popular guy that every girl wants including female friend and then my female friend is becoming a bigger mystery to me. yeah that "place" )
Before winter vaction during exam week I found myself again, I bought new clothes and wore them and made an effort to help others. The last three months before exams I was depressed and angery at myself. The past began to haunt me again, I FINALLY agreed to myself that I have a crush and that life is catching up with me REALLY fast.
I just don't know what's going on.

I made a new friend during winter vacation, he's an interesting character that one. I glad I met him, and I'm glad I got to see my friend and packmate Dante. We had a lot to catch up on and I'm still trying to help him out with his problems. ( Him and I are so STUBBORN !!) I met up with them again this past weekend, I had a good time because A LOT was revealed... kinda, between the two.Especially Dante. But now I'm thinking he's becoming a little annoyed by the fact that I let my new found friend spend TO CLOSE of a time with me. I told him I can handle it and that if ANYTHING happens I 'd tell him about it RIGHT AWAY. He doesn't believe me much but hey what can you do when your packmate knows the guy more than you huh? I'm ALWAYS cautious with the guy ALWAYS!. I know better.

Today was just a bothersome for me (half of the time when I'm alone), I'm pretty chill or cool with my crush/friend, I think the flame is FINALLY dimming down to be hidden away in yet another cage to either stay there forever or burst out again when some random time comes. I have a theory about that, your "crushes" or feelings for them don't necessarly DISAPPEAR, they still have a place in you but its just not as powerful, it's like in a damp cave. But if that CRUSH did something soo HORRIBLE that's when the flame dieds and renews itself around you so you can KICK THAT PERSONS A$$ and send him packing for good (hopefully).
Crushes right now for me are SOO TROUBLESOME I wish I didn't have any this year, or at least like this. WAY TOO MUCH DRAMA!. And guys are pretty CLUELESS when a POSSIBLE ANSWER is IN FRONT OF THEM , jeez guys, do you have to go for the girl whose TRYING to be your "dream girl" or is just a material girl OR " miss UNATTAINABLE" or are you going to grow some and try to get " miss independent". Most guys whine about having DRAMA in there life so stay away from it cause THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! personally those who whine, really DO like drama.
Okay I'm done, This turned out to be a rant in the end but at least I got it out of me.



CLUBS